Feeling a tad better today. Maybe it was the little things that helped, despite the usual bit of difficulty falling asleep, getting up.

I’m starting to get pretty convinced I should get off Wellbutrin. Really, the main thing keeping me on the stuff is fear I’ll fall into another major depressive episode — but I’m not sure I will. And there’s no guarantee I won’t get depressed if I stay on the meds. Pills poop out, so a relapse could happen whether or not I stay on the drug.

And there’s no real way to find out until I get off the stuff. I’m a bit afraid this impetus comes at a stressful time — a couple trips coming up, some money issues, some friendship issues. But is it possible that some of these issues will simply resolve themselves if I go off the meds?

I could very well become less angry and irritable. I might get more done because my memory gets better and my mind clears. Maybe the better memory will even improve my social interactions — so I remember people’s names and what they say better.

Might I even drop a little weight? Will I sleep better and feel less tired? Have fewer times when I feel agitated, restless, and unbalanced? Fewer tummy issues?

Really, some good things could happen — not just the bad. The main thing’s that I’ll need to work hard to attain a more stable sense of well-being. The issue’s that I really can’t pinpoint a specific reason I feel down when I do, behond not yet having achieved long-term goals: money issues, weight, relationships — and finding something meaningful to do. A lot of this has really become a chicken or the egg issue. I’m afraid to add anything on because I feel overwhelmed, but perhaps I feel overwhelmed because I lack meaning, direction.

Went to a networking event earlier, which went well. Met some nice people, gave out some cards. Seriously, no one notices I’m not drinking! And for another, most people really don’t drink that much. It’s like they don’t actually want to lose — or even alter — their consciousness…. Certainly not markedly. An observation to keep in mind —

One day, I’d like to feel like I’m not dealing with “issues” all the time. That I’m more easily living in balance.