The weekend’s going by in a bit of a stupor — reading, watching Celebrity Rehab. I’m concerned this isn’t normal — holing up and avoiding both friends and responsibilities. Of course it’s normal to take time for myself though — so where do I draw the line?

The main issue’s that I seem to really want to check out — i.e. not only not doing anything on my agenda but in fact even refusing to look at it — and just preoccupy myself. There’s a real desire not to have to deal with the stresses of reality.

It’s weird, because the stresses really aren’t so bad — are they? Maybe it’s more that I used to heap so many stresses on myself — so much I couldn’t handle them — that I now find it hard to deal with any stresses. Learned helplessness.

Then again no one likes to begin their day like they’re clawing their way out of a hole, trying desperately to catch up. Yet getting further behind by avoidance only perpetuates the cycle —

And there are so many issues. Feeling lonely while avoiding friends. Avoiding social situations because many feel unsafe. I’m confused — I feel unable to craft some sort of way to improve my thinking on these issues.

I guess the main thing right now’s to just focus on keeping alcohol out of the equation while I gather the tools for healthy living and sort some of this stuff out: Medication issues, social issues, coping issues, work issues, weight / food issues.

I suppose all are issues everyone works on throughout their lives — I have a hard time deciding what, if anything, needs to be done. Do I live out this week like last week? How can I catch up today? How much should I identify as an ex-alcoholic? Are there new goals to set I can really get excited about?