My schedule’s fallen apart since Ana’s clothing swap earlier tonight — where I ate way too much — but let me dwell on the positives a bit: I made some good friends / acquaintances. I got free dinner — and leftovers for lunch tomorrow! I found some free clothes that fit! I got rid of some things plaguing my closet. And I hope my social life’ll open up a little bit — that maybe I’ll start meeting more interesting people, even interesting guys — that maybe better things will happen —

Before Ana’s thing I went through the day with a general feeling of brooding discontent — a sort of pissy feeling for which I can’t pinpoint a cause beyond small annoyances — a little tummy ache, a drawer not closing right, a noisy leaf blower. Maybe the small things add up, or maybe the irritation’s a symptom of alcohol withdrawal, or maybe the discontent’s a symptom of other, bigger things that are troubling me?

There’s a great aggravation, for example, having to deal with work stuff day after day. The daily repetition of it all grates on me, even though I can’t imagine doing anything else I’d like better. Maybe the low, irritated mood comes from feeling a bit behind all the time. As of yet it’s unclear whether this’ll get less onerous as time goes on, or if I really need to make some big changes.

I’ve been thinking a bit about how I’d feel if money were less of an issue. Perhaps life would get lighter, freer. I’d just like to get to the point where money doesn’t seem like a source of trouble, where I feel a sense of peace with my work.

I’ll put off these worries until after day 30. Just about a week more! Then I’ll be hitting sobriety days I haven’t had since like high school — maybe early college, since there was that 1 summer internship where I didn’t drink. Even that was a decade ago. I should plan a gift for myself, though finances are low. A facial —

I’m watching a lot less TV — almost none. The days seem busy — so much to get done, figure out emotionally. The schedule helps mitigate the anxiety a bit, but it’s still a battle.

I also spend a lot of time staring off into space. Do I enjoy this?