Got through the event — and I just realized that all in all, including getting ready and fighting traffic, that was a 5-hour endeavor! Social engagements take a lot of effort — and I have 2 tomorrow, which stresses me out —

But back to the event. There was a temptation to drink — especially when I got a whiff of red wine. But I’m starting to notice other problem drinkers stick out at events — and that dissuades me from drinking.

For example: Whether or not a regular problem drinker, one girl had just a drink too much. She didn’t do anything ridiculous — just her body language seemed loose, unstructured — and her chatter a tad overly friendly. Then there was the older guy who last month I noticed seemed a bit drunk. He seemed a bit drunk today too.

Of course I could be projecting a bit. I wonder if everyone else sees these things, if they’re all also consciously tolerating the garrulous girl’s rambly chatter. and I wonder if that’s how I appeared most of the time — immoderate, easy, glassy-eyed.

Today I was all there. Socialized with a few people, drank club soda, aserted myself fairly well when it was my turn to talk. So I don’t need alcohol to socialize or speak in public — or be pleasant —

Was the event enjoyable? It’s odd — the pleasure I got from the event comes more from my feeling I’ve “accomplished” the event-going task — than from the fun of the event itself. It seems I tend to see events as a sort of social performance, as opposed to an opportunity to have fun, make friends, relax. Is this normal? Maybe this tendency makes me stress out, too self-concious to enjoy myself. But to a degree, this reaction’s probably normal when you’re put at an event with smart people you want to get to know — all of whom are perfect strangers — AND you have to speak, if briely, in front of all of them.

Unrelatedly: I’m concerned that I don’t seem to have the mental stamina to finish the stuff I set out to do in a day. If I add more work on — which I need to do to make a living — I’d have to work weekend. I feel like something’s gotta give.

Do I need to limit social events? Traffic was horrendous…. Maybe the issue’s not the number of events but the location — and I need to lmit the events that require fighting traffic for hours….